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读书笔记 | 哪些是中式英语中不必要的动词和名词

翻译如何做到精简?绞尽脑汁翻出来的东西,为啥被老外改后,只剩下了一半?还被批成是“中式英语”?难道真的是水平不够?或许是你尚未发现其中的“套路”。今天我们共读《中式英语之鉴》第一章,看看句子里那些没用的名词和动词。

名词(一):辨错(入门级)

小试牛刀: 原句:To accelerate the pace of economic reform 正解:to accelerate economic reform 为什么这样改? 因为 to accelerate = to increase the pace of

读书笔记: 这种现象非常常见,也很容易辨识。句子中的其他成分已把名词的含义包括在内,此时名词的出现无异于画蛇添足。

推广:(下划线部分删除) harvests in agriculture(industry里并不说harvest) living standards for the people(living standard就是指people的) temporary in nature/ red in color/ few in number (相当于汉语里说:“蓝天是蓝色的!”呵呵!) We will...in the future(will已经表达将来了) A series of measures (一系列措施,很地道的表达啊?可是那是中文,英文中measures已经包含了series的含义)

名词(二):辨错(进阶级)

小试牛刀: 原句:Following the realization of mechanization and electrification of agriculture 正解:Following the mechanization and electrification of agriculture 为什么这么改?实现机械化,mechanization里的“tion”=“realization of ” 读书笔记: 和第一类相比,这类名词不太容易被识别,需要一定的思考。但是只要我们稍动脑筋,还是能够快速识别出来的。这些词删除之后,不但没有影响译文的表达,反而更加简洁清晰。

推广:(下划线部分删除) 原文:Strengthen the building of national national defense 正解:Strengthen national national defense

名词(三):关注范畴词

小试牛刀: 原句:Promoting the cause of peaceful reunification 正解:Promoting peaceful reunification 推进和平统一事业,“事业”一词没有必要翻译出来

读书笔记: 范畴词值得特殊关注,因为我们中文太习惯这样的表达了。比如: 经济领域的改革;就全国范围来说;贫富差距的问题 教育、科技、文化、卫生等领域取得新进步 新解决农村6300多万人饮水安全问题 类似于“问题”“领域”的词汇,它们有时没有实在意义,而是给前面的名词提供一个范畴。 范畴词在汉译英的过程中,我们要避免翻译出来。 而英译汉时,我们却需要根据实际情况增译出来。 这就是英汉表达的差异。

推广:(下划线部分删除) 原句:Reforms in the sphere of the economy 正解:Reforms in the economy(“领域”删去) 原句:to ensure a relationship of close cooperation between... 正解:to ensure close cooperation between...(“关系”删去) 原句:we must oppose the practice of extravagance 正解:we must oppose extravagance(奢侈行为,“行为”删去) 原句:these principles apply to all cases of relations between China and other countries 正解:these principles apply to all relations between China and other countries 原句:this,coupled with the factor of price instability, caused... 正解:this,coupled with price instability, caused...(删去“因素”)

动词(一):动词+名词

小试牛刀: 原句:We must make an improvement in our work. 正解:We must improve our work. Make是一个很虚的词,没什么实在意义。在这里一个动词improve能搞定的,为啥非要弄那么一个大长串呢? 变式: 原句:an improve must be made in our work 正解:our work must be improved 被动式只是刚才问题的一种变式,问题的根源一样。

读书笔记: 这种“动词+名词”的结构太常见,动词的含义包含在名词之中,如make an improvement中improvement包含着想表达的意思:improve。但是这类错误也很容易被忽略,因为没有语法错误,大家对这种表达习以为常。尤其是高考英语作文,各种考试培训,灌输了我们太多这样的思想。为了凑字数,或者为了所谓的“高大上”,大家的词组越长越牛。殊不知,翻译简洁准确才是王道啊!

推广:

此类“动词+名词”结构,涉及到动词有:make/have/其他,看看下面的表达,你有没有用过?

Make篇: To make an investigation of = to investigate To make a careful study of = to study carefully To make a decision to = to decide to To make a proposal that = to propose that To make efforts to = to try(attempt)to To make an analysis = to analyze

Have篇 To have a dislike for = to dislike To have trust in = to trust To have an influence on = to influence’ To have adequate knowledge of = to know enough about To have the need for = to need To have respect for = to respect

其他篇: To give guidance = to guide To provide assistance = to assist To carry out the struggle against = to struggle against To conduct reform of = to reform To engage in free discussion of = to discuss (it) freely To achieve success in = to succeed in To accomplish the modernization of = to modernize To realize the transformation of = to transform To bring about an improvement in = to improve To place stress on = to stress To exercise control over =to control To register an increase = to increase

动词(二):动词+名词+其他成分(of/形容词/动词)

(1):其他成分为of 原句:our efforts to reach the goal of modernization 正解:our efforts to modernize the goal of多余,连带它之前的reach也多余,因此修改时要把动词一起删除 笔记:如果说“动词+名词”结构中,名词包含着我们想表达的动词含义,可以直接换成动词,那么“动词+名词+其他成分”结构中,名词连这一功能都已经失去,所以可以将整个结构删除。 推广: 原句:our troops used the method of slow advance 正解:our troops advanced slowly 原句:to perform the task of guarding warehouses 正解:to guard warehouses 原句:we adopted the policy of withdrawal 正解:we withdrew(decided to withdrawal) 原句:in all matters we must assume the attitude of admitting what we do and do not know 正解:we should always (be ready to) admit what we do and do not know 原句:we should adopt the principle of combining solutions to people’s immediate difficulties with long-term development 正解:we should combine solving people’s immediate problems with promoting long-term development/ we should try to solve people’s immediate problems and at the same time to promote long-term development 原句:we need to achieve the objective of clarity in ideology 正解:we need to be clear in our ideology

(2)其他成分为形容词 原句:this measure will have a restrictive effect on the activities of speculators 正解:this measure will restrict the activities of speculators 读书笔记: 问题所在:形容词restrictive包含动词restrict 的含义。 解决办法:直接删掉和形容词相关的搭配,换成动词。

(3)其他成分为动词 原句:we failed to take care to ensure that there must be an all-round balance between the various planned targets 正解:we failed to ensure an all-round balance between the various planned targets 读书笔记: 这一句话中,原句有很多啰嗦之处,ensure=there must be 而various对名词复数targets也是毫无帮助。说话就好比你给人指路,明明可以两分钟直达,你却左拐右拐,带人穿街走巷,花了整整2个小时才到达目的地。真真是费力不讨好啊!

动词(四):动词词组滥用

(1) 原句:it is especially necessary to make great efforts to assimilate the achievements of other cultures 正解:it is especially necessary to assimilate the achievements of other cultures 笔记:assimilate文化当然需要make great efforts,因此划线词组多余,删

变体:make every effort to, try our best to, do our utmost to, do everything possible to 或:strive to, endeavor to, work hard to

(2) 原句:all enterprises must pay attention to promoting excellent workers 正解:all enterprises must see to it that excellent workers are promoted 笔记:这句话的重点并不在pay attention 做什么,如果优秀员工被提升了,当然企业会注意到做这件事。企业要确保这件事发生,而不是注意这件事发生。 变体:pay heed to, lay stress on; attach importance to 或:stress, emphasize

(3) 原句:the principle task is to do a good job in disseminating and applying the results of scientific and technological research 正解:the principle task is to disseminate and apply the results of scientific and technological research 笔记:想要disseminate(宣传)和apply(应用)科研成果,当然需要在这方面努力,做好工作了,想考好成绩不得付出吗?所以这里的do a good job就属于浪费笔墨。 变体:make a success of, achieve success in, do successful work in 或:be good at

注意事项

动词词组滥用会造成什么影响呢?我们不能直截了当地看到一句话想表达的真实含义,因此延长了我们找到中心动词的时间,动词想表达的力度也就大大减弱了。 读了第一章之后,你是不是意识到原来自己有这么多问题存在,以后只要看到这样的表达,我就开始删删删!别啊!所谓,凡事都有例外!90%的情况,咱们可以删删删,而另外的10%也是可以成立的。我们来看这样几句话。

(1)At present it is necessary to...目前有必要…… 也许这句话的含义是:这个“必要”,仅仅适用于当前,过一个月,就不再需要了,所以这时的at present保留。 (2)In accordance with the principle of self-reliance, all army units should... 如果the principle of 起到强调“原则”重要性的作用,保留。 (3)We must make great efforts in education. 这里的make great efforts也没有问题,因为它就是句子想要表达的含义,句子中也没有其他成分重复词组的含义。 (4)China has always followed a policy of peaceful coexistence 这句话就讲得通 可the bourgeoisie followed a policy of vacillating 这句话就十分可笑了 Vacillate犹豫不决,左右徘徊 ,拿不准就是have no policy,怎么能说follow a policy of呢?

说了这么多,你有收获吗?其实多余的名词和动词有时很容易识别,但更多时候需要我们结合语境,弄明白原文到底想说什么。也许,强调的重点不同,那些“多余的”名词或者动词就有了意义。这就需要我们在不停地翻译实践中去积累经验。而这也就是译者永远不可能被机器取代的原因之一吧!

再次感谢译路行走~~